Are you lesbian?

Being married is hard enough even if you are straight, but if you suspect that you may be gay or lesbian then it definitely makes life even more complicated. Many times, gay and lesbian people may grow up having feelings toward the same sex, but they go ahead and get married to save face and obtain the approval of mainstream society.

Others may get married only to realize that they are gay or lesbian because they were completely unaware of their true sexual orientation. Regardless of how it happened, you must be strong, make the right choice for yourself and your family, and move forward with life.

Stop and think

Before you decide to come out or discuss your feelings with anyone else, try to sort things out on your own. Think about whether or not you knew you were gay before you got married or if these feelings just came about more recently. Many women are just naturally curious about what sex is like with another woman, so it could just be a sexual desire that you are experiencing rather the than the desire to have an actual relationship with another woman. It may be helpful to start a journal to write about your experiences and really get to know more about yourself and your sexuality.

Talk to your husband

Ideally, since you are already married you should discuss the matter with your husband so that he will understand you better and have a chance to make a decision if he would like to remain in the relationship. If you are in actually have an affair with another woman while you are married, then that is obviously unethical and you should end the affair right away. Some husbands are very understanding of their wives, while others can have a rather serious adverse reaction. If you feel like you may not be safe in your home after you express your feelings, then it may not be a good idea to say anything at this point. Only open up when you are ready to do so and know that you will be safe. Have a frank and earthy discussion about the relationship and consider all options about whether you should get divorced, stay together, or just separate.

Seek counseling

Sometimes it is beneficial to talk to someone about your feelings if you cannot sort them out for yourself. You may want to consider attending marriage counseling to help preserve your marriage or you may want to have personal consultations on your own. Either choice is a good way to learn more about yourself and make the right choices going forward. In this case, try to look for a counselor that specializes in LGBT issues and concerns.

What to tell your child?

Coming out to your child is a personal choice as well. Since it is your child, then it is your decision whether or not you come out to them in the first place. If they are very young, then probably will not affect them too much, but if they are teenagers or older it can be quite difficult for them to process at first if they are used to you being straight. If your child does not handle it well, then it may be a good idea to bring them in for a counseling session as well.

Regardless of your situation there is no need to force yourself to come out to everyone when you are not ready. You may not be lesbian and you could be bisexual so there could be a chance that you could salvage your relationship. Sexuality is fluid and it can evolve over time, so remember that you do not need to put yourself in a box or do certain things because you believe that you may be gay, lesbian, or bisexual.

Related posts:

1. Relationships with married bisexual guys?
2. What if my child is gay?