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As a Transgendered Woman, how do you feel about your past?

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As a Transgendered Woman, how do you feel about your past?

September 21, 2010 |  by

Leaving the past behind is part of our lives. We grow, we evoluate (physically, spiritually, emotionally), we sometimes can be compared with cocoons. However, as I said in one of my previous articles, there is an old saying: "those who forget their past shall repeat it over and over again". Yet, most of us choose to totally detach from our past, and live in the present just as we are supposed to. If you ask me, I believe that the past is a part of you, and when you`re done with your transition and you look back into the past, this can really be a self-esteem booster, seeing how much you`ve changed and what a beautiful woman you`ve become after years of struggling.

Regardless of one`s sexual orientation, whether you`re gay, bisexual or transgender, we may have done things in the past that we want to forget, to move on. When talking especially about transgender women and TG men, most of us choose to leave the past behind.

Talking about leaving the past behind, I remember one of  videos of Calpernia Addams, where she was revealing some of the most unsuitable questions to ask a transgender. Well, most of these questions were related to the past, such as "what is your real name" (the real name is the one I choose, not the one that was chosen for me), "can I see pics of yourself before your transition?" (course you can, you`re not blind, but you may not), etc.

However, I met many transgenders who accepted their past and somehow still are connected to it by keeping their old names, especially if they were unisex names such as Alex or Drew. Disappearing from your past before your transition could be an option, but for many of us this can be a little hard to accomplish, since so many memories link us to our childhood, our friends and our families, maybe even too many for us to  destroy all the photos, all the records with our birth names and simply vanish.

For some of us, life begins after graduation and leaving the home town. For others, life can begin after a divorce from the one they`ve seen as their soul mate. What do you feel about your past? Do you prefer to hide it and forget it, do you live with it or simply deny its existance?

Related posts:

  1. November 20 - Transgender Day of Remembrance
  2. Relationships, Ex Boyfriends/Girlfriends, Regrets And Whatever May Come...

2 Comments


  1. Personally, I embrace my past. Many of my friends from back before I came out I still talk to today, and even old friends who I rarely spoke to know. I also haven't gotten rid of my photos or videos of me back before I started transitioning, because it's a good momento to look back on and say "Wow, I used to look so guy-ish."

    Even 10 years from now, I won't be hiding my past. I'm not ashamed of sharing the name I was born with, or even photos. Because it just shows, as stated above, how much went through having me the way I am now.

  2. I started my transition about 3 yrs ago, and still hold onto my past. I was happily married, have 2 beautiful children, have alot of friends (this is when you find out who your real friends are) I keep in contact with, and DON'T regret any of my past. I came to the point in my life, when I needed to fully express who "I" was. It took me a long time to completely discover and accept who I was, but once that was done, the rest just fell into place.

    I started my transition as a "trial phase" (as my doctor put it), but realized it wasn't a trial, it WAS ME. Yes I've lost people who
    I thought were friends, I lost my in-laws, but what I didn't lose was my family, my respect for myself, nor my respect for all peoples. Having been a "male" and now being a "female", I strongly believe gives me an advantage over many people. I know and understand what both sexes (if that's how you want to describe them) feel, am much more in touch with my feelings & emotions, and can accept people for who they are, not what they look like. It's actually funny now when my friends, family & I look back over my past, and see "Roberta" throughout all the aspects of my life.

    It's not a choice to be transgender, just as much as it's not a choice of your eye color, or the number of teeth you have. I

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