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Tips that any (believe me, any) first time bottom should know

April 28, 2010 |  by

Throughout history men had sex one with each another and relished the experience. Etruscan tombs in Italy, for instance, have paintings of men getting involved sexually with other men. Sex between men has persisted despite the persecution by clergymen, judges, and doctors.

To have sex as a bottom and enjoy it, you may have to overcome some negative attitudes about your anus. The best preparation for being a bottom is to explore your anus and some of the sensations it can provide. Some men like to do the following exercises in the bathtub. The warm water helps you to relax, and the bathroom provides some privacy for gay men who still live with their family.


Wash your anus, including just inside, with soap and water. Lubricate your finger with your preferred lubricant and insert it into your anus. As you feel increasingly relaxed, apply more lubricant and push deeper. You’ll feel the sphincter muscles at this point; these need to relax baby if you wanna feel pleasure. Deliberately tighten them. You’ll be surprised how strong they are. Relax them. Grip and relax these muscles several times.

Now move your finger in deeper. You’ll find the sphincter muscles are more extensive than you thought, and they open and relax of their own accord around your exploring finger. If they don’t, stop and relax for a minute or two.

Once your finger gets beyond the inner sphincter, it enters the rectum, a wider space. You’ll notice the change in texture. Move your finger in and out a couple of inches at a time. If you’ve been fearful about anal penetration until now, you’ll be amazed how easy this is. Remove your finger, breathe deeply, and relax. Tell yourself out loud that you’re coming along beautifully. Complimenting yourself may seem absurdly narcissistic, but in fact it’s a useful reinforcement, well known to behavioral psychologists. If, after this break, you insert your finger again, you’ll notice how much more easily it goes in but don’t rush. Ironically, going slowly gets you in faster.

After several exploratory sessions, try two fingers. If you feel the sphincter muscles closing, return to the tightening and relaxing exercises. You may now use a dildo if the idea appeals to you. Make sure it’s reasonably sized, and not one of those monsters that stunt artists absorb.

Two other exercises may be of value. First, if you have a sex buddy or lover, ask him to explore your hole with his fingers. Then put your finger in his anus.

One note of caution. Fingers, dildos, and penis can be pleasurable and safe. Never try anything else. No glass bottles, sweet potatoes, or other exotic objects. They may elude your grasp, get lost in your colon, and require major surgery.

You should prepare in a number of ways for being bottom for the first time. Physically, all you need to do is to clean yourself out with a small enema. Some men find that a squirt from an ear syringe does the job well enough. You should also have condoms ready, and always insist that your partner use them. We strongly advise you not to drink alcohol heavily or to use mind-altering drugs at this time. They may interfere with good judgment about safe sex. Choose whatever lubricant you generally use.

There are two good positions to start out with. In the easier one, both you and your partner lie on your side, pitcher’s front to catcher’s back. However, sometimes a novice will prefer to be on top so he can control the situation. In this position you face your partner, who is on his back, and you sit on his penis. Being on top will relieve what may be one of the main anxieties: that he will enter too quickly.

The first few times you are bottom you may have the uncomfortable sensation that you are about to defecate. Only after several experiences will you learn to tell the two sensations apart.

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17 Comments


  1. i am bottom and i love it . i just love it . if you are a man and never tried being a bottom with another man you don't know what you have miss. i can tell you this.... it is the great felling you will every have. I believe that every gay man should try being a bottom at least once, even if he is generally a top because maybe that gay man likes being a bottom you can never know can you?

  2. I just tried bottoming for the first time yesterday. Was on my back and it didn't hurt. The guy had kind of a small penis, but it still was surprisingly pain-free and even pleasurable. I was always a top and am glad that I let my buddy take the plunge. I'll never be tops only again!

  3. I love to be bottom but i never hav a gay friend

  4. Bottoming is so hard to do people. Dont be fooled by the success stories. Its very painful. I say if youre going to try it down at least 3 shots. Ive done it like 10xs with a guy with a very thick penis. Be prepared. Oh and another thing buy a douche.

  5. Hey! I'm new to this kind of thing.
    And I wanna be the BEST bottom for my partner.
    One of my major concerns is, that I'm kinda hairy, and I have lots of it in my butt and ass.
    Is there anyway to safely remove them, til they are squeaky clean?
    I haven't done it with him yet, and I wouldn't be comfortable doing it with hair all over me.

    Please help! Thanks.

  6. I'm a male who has always like anal stimulation fingers, dildo etc. About a year ago me and a friend had sex and I was the bottom. My friends dick is huge and it hurt at first but he took his time and the pain went away. I personally think a lot of the pain comes when you aren't mentally relaxed. At first it's strange feeling another man's penis inside you and this could make you feel a lot of emotions but once you get past that and open your mind it's great. If bottoming is what you wanna do just take your time and most of all find a person who cares about you and wail go nice and slow. As a man there is nothing better than letting go of everything and allowing another man to dominate u and make love to you. I can't wait to do it again soon.

  7. I'm a bi male and i'm a about to have sex with a guy with 11.5 inch cock for my first time i can't wait to get banged

  8. i would Love to be bottom, but im kinda afraid to do it because i dont have the self confidence that if i cleaned my self out very well or not, i have an enema but i dont know how to use it.
    Could you guys tell me the specific details of how can i clean my self out effectively and how can i use the Enema ?

    Thank you

  9. Hi, was just wondering when you clean yourself how long does it usually stay clean? I plan on going out to dinner and hang out for a bit before doing anything so if I clean before I leave the house will I still be good later? like 4 or 5 hours?

  10. This was very helpful. I can't wait to be dominated by my man :)

  11. I really enjoy being a bottom. I have a boyfriend who loves to fuck me and I love the feel of his hard cock in my ass. Also loe when he chums... so great to see him and hear his moans as he unloads inside me..

  12. I have been with two guys and bottomed for both of them. I find I am naturally a bottom and have no desire to top. The most recent guy I may see again had a very thick cock and he did me doggie. It did hurt a fair amount because he fucked me hard. I think he liked hearing me scream. We used a lot of lube and surprisingly the next day I did not hurt at all.

  13. So are there any other exercises that I could do to get ready for my first time?

  14. I am a male I would say im bi curious and I think I wanna experience how a cock feels in my butt but finding the right person to trust an to be comfortable with is hard..can any1 help me?

  15. A shower douche will work just fine but it's extremely critical that you do NOT use the same pressure that your shower head uses. The valve that comes with them allows you to use a lot more pressure than is safe. Keep the pressure low, just like an enema bag is only gravity fed, use about the same pressure.

    As a first time bottom, if your partner is a lot bigger than normal, you are going to hurt and while stretching by you and or your partner will help, it will likely not be enough by itself. Try to get on top as you can control how fast your partner puts it in.

    I just had anal sex last night with someone who was extremely well hung, actually twice as big as the dildo I used to get ready and he just would not go slow to let me adjust to him. It did hurt but he finally got it in and I was just beginning to feel good when he dumped his load. That helped me some but I still hurt the rest of the night, though not as bad. Today it was a pleasant hurt but next time I let him get near my ass, I'm going to be well prepared by using a combination of dildos to prepare for him.

    I bottom because I have no interest in being a top. I don't get off on it. I do love to perform oral sex but not nearly as interested in receiving oral sex.

    Sometimes you can lessen the pain by playing hard with your nipples. I played with my nipples most of last night and just about all of the day today. They are sore but feel really good....

    Now I'm ready for that telephone pole again...

    This guy was at least 3 inches thick and over 10 inches long.

  16. There is much to add to this discussion. If you work out often and eat well, most of the time if you do not feel the immediate need to shit you will be fine.

    If you rarely work out, and/or eat very poorly, your internal organs won't treat you very well. In those cases, I don't recommend buttsex.

    If you take reasonable care of yourself and you are about to fuck for the first time, make sure you had a good clean dry poop within a couple hours of fucking.

    Then, just make sure they go very, very slowly. If they don't, tell them to fuck off and try another time.

    You should feel free to say "too deep", "go slower", or "fuck it hurts we need to stop".

    Again, on the same note, if you are fucking in a position that doesn't feel good - say something. Ask to switch. If it still doesn't feel good just stop. Don't wreck your opinion of bottoming and your asshole at the same time by just going with it.

    If things are working out and you are enjoying it, sometimes the top will say something like "you should go clean up", or "im not sure we are good for this right now", what they are trying to say very nicely is that there may be some uncleanliness. It happens. Just go wash your ass and nine times out of ten you should not continue. If you choose to keep going you better be damn sure you are clean.

    If things are going well and the top is pounding away, and you aren't in pain, then keep fucking until one of you cum. As a top, I've noticed there are two types of bottoms. The ones that are hard the whole time and can cum, and those that are soft and can't.

    Tops will usually say something like "im gonna cum" or "fuck im cumming", etc. Not all tops can go for 30 minutes, and hour, two hours. Everyone is different and it also depends on how much you turn them on. If they cum, don't expect that their dick is gonna stay hard for another 15 minutes waiting for you to cum.

    Once someone cums, their dick has about a 2 minute period where they can stay hard in you. If you can't cum during that time, then tell them what you want them to do (finger you, suck you off, etc), but they aren't gonna be able to fuck you for another 20 minutes with a limp dick. Or you can wait for a half hour and most dudes can get it up again.

    Just accept that if it your first time, your ass is gonna be so tight it may be overwhelming for a top. There are plenty of dudes that could fuck you forever, but often they tend to not be able to cum when they want, if at all, and tend not to be anything other than an organic dildo.

    Have fun fucking and if your ass is dirty, a good top will tell you nicely. Just have fun, and either cum when you want, or accept that they might cum before you and you won't have a cock in your ass when you want to cum. Hell, they might never cum. In that case, treat their dick as a dildo and don't expect them to cum.

  17. Most of my life I was a top,
    I tried being a bottom for the first time, the feeling you get has got me addicted. I am now a total bottom, the feeling you get when a cock is inside you and your legs wrapped around him is totally ASWESOME! I am a bottom from here on out!

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